There is something that has been burning in my spirit as of late. There has been a stirring inside of me, a Holy Spirit stirring.
Not of the gifts, not of outward signs and wonders, but an unsettling of my status quo in my love relationship and friendship with God. It seems that God is up to something in upsetting my comfortable place of friendship and relationship with Him.
There has been a whirlwind blowing in my heart, which is making me ask new questions and begin to look at my own personal and unique relationship with this man Jesus Christ.
As Holy Spirit has begun to stir my heart up in a new way concerning Jesus, I remember one recent day I was praying and I was asking Jesus what was it like for Peter and John to have known him in the physical, to have walked with him. What would it be like to have a relationship with Him like theirs?
As I thought and prayed this, immediately I heard the Lord speak into my spirit and ask my “why would I want a relationship with him like theirs?”
As I thought on what he asked, it occurred to me as he continued to speak into my spirit that I have the opportunity to have a singularly unique and special friendship and relationship with Him.
As conceited or braggadocios as it may sound, from this experience I understood that the Lord was showing me that all the friendships and relationships he has had with men throughout the bible are no more or less special or captivating to his heart than my own.
It has begun to change my thinking of what is possible in MY relationship with MY beloved Jesus. I think often we look at these figures in the bible and we think that if we try to compare ourselves to them as if we can have the same kind of intensity or level of relationship with God such as the likes Moses, Joshua or David, we think too much of ourselves.
That if we dare to presume that we can have the same type of intimate friendship and love relationship with Jesus as Peter, John, Paul or any of the apostles, we are presumptuous and have hubris if we compare ourselves to them and their standing before God.
My question is however, why not? If there is nothing I can do to make God love me more or make him love me less, then our focus does not have to be on worrying about quantity. Our focus should be on quality.
This has begun to change my prayer life and how I interact with Jesus and Holy Spirit. I know Jesus and Holy Spirit love me and in return I also love them. But beyond just loving them now my focus is shifting to what can I do to bring them joy? How can I make their hearts jump with laughter and joy? What is it I can do or say to them that specially catches their attention?
You see I am becoming jealous over my love for them, just as their love is jealous for me.
John had it right when he zealously regarding himself as “the disciple whom Jesus loves”. What a confidence and declaration! Furthermore, what less right do I have to make the same proclamation?
Is Jesus just Jesus or is he MY Jesus? My desire is to live for Jesus and to interact with him and Holy Spirit as if I were His favorite, as if I were his ONLY love!
I look at the story of Enoch, where the bible tells us that He walked with God and he pleased God so much that God took him.
What was it that so greatly pleased God, what was his walk with God like?
I strive and purpose not for the same walk as Enoch, but to have such a connection to the heart of God that He notices me EXTRA specially!
I am moving into a new paradigm of thinking in how I can be connected to the Lord. I am beginning to no longer see those examples of people in the bible that were friends and lovers of God as someone I can never aspire to be similar to.
I am now beginning to see them as examples of what is possible in my OWN relationship with God and while I am at it, why limit my relationship with him to only what they experienced?
Why can’t I demand and yearn for things even greater in my heart and connection with Jesus?
We don’t have to see this as a competition. All that we want in terms of depth of love and friendship and relationship is available to us and all that we want to give to God, he will receive of us.
He is enraptured with us and he loves the individuality and uniqueness of each of us. He created us to experience one of a kind love and connection to him and for him to receive and experience the same from us.
I can be motivated and inspired by the examples of those long past in the bible and their personal relationships and friendship with God, but I do not have to use them as a ruler or measuring rod, nor let them be a glass ceiling as to the possibility of what my own relationship and friendship with God can and will be.
So, from now on I want to live my life and have my friendship and relationship with God to be as if he and I have a special secret that no one else knows, that is just between him and me; that I am his favorite, that I am the one he loves.